bedtime woes + successes!

This post is for moms with bedtime woes- hopefully it helps someone with a little munchkin like mine.

I was so grumpy today... poor kids-They were even so cute today.  Claire had a tea party in her room and Trevor joined (while I scoured a book- looking for parenting/ sleeping answers).  They played so well together for like 10 minutes- never happens.  Trevor was crying when I went in there to check on them.  Claire had put 4 of her shirts over his head- lol- but  the last one was a pair of shorts- covering his face- lol- so funny!- I wish I would have gotten a picture- but I wanted to free Trevor quickly.  

 Claire has taken two hours to fall asleep the last two nights. Tuesday night- Jason had YMs till 9:30pm Trevor, was recovering from drinking cows milk from his cousins sippy at around 5pm, so he was up until 2am that night, while Claire was up till 9:30pm (No they don't even share a room).

 And last night (Wednesday) she pulled a new trick.  She opened her window, pushed out the window screen and was standing on the flower grating- Gee that girl!  Where does she think of these things or even think about pushing out the screen- I never knew how to do that at her age.  So today there were alot of lectures.  I pulled out an old sleeping book that worked for Claire as a baby(but would have killed Trevor if I listened to it at all for him and his tummy problems).  Well it worked again for Claire!  Thank goodness!

 So here is what we were doing for her sleep routine. Starting at 7:30pm- Go bathroom, brush teeth, talk about scripture stories with Gospel Art kit pictures, pray,  read books (10 + minutes)- get her to lay down while reading books,  sing songs , kisses, good night.  Then we had a system where we would take down a number if she got out of bed.  If there were no numbers up- then we took a stuffed animal toy away.  This worked well at first as she was motivated to keep her toys with her in bed.   But then she stopped caring about her toys or book or anything it seemed- no matter what I threatened her with... no computer time, no swinging on Trevors baby swing, no going to the library.... nothing worked anymore- we lost all power last night.  And that is also when she climbed out the window.  So we couldn't even lock her door- we had to watch her to make sure she didn't do it again.  

So today as I read this book, Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child I realized that our system- though it attempted to allow her get out a few times- in hopes to give her some leeway- the problem with this is that it also set her up for getting out of bed.  And the best time to calm her down and get ready for sleep is when we are with her reading books and singing songs.   The book talks about using different tactics besides just reading books to help calm kids before bedtime:

slow down activity

close physical contact

                Nestle or snuggle in bed

                cuddle up with child on a chair

Quiet voices

                sing or hum a song

                tell a family story

                chat about the day

                say good night to everyone /everything in the room

The other important thing the book made me remember is that talking (or yelling) when they keep getting out of bed will only reinforces the bad behavior because instead of sleeping they are getting more attention from you.  This totally makes sense for Claire- she would rather be awake, although it makes me really frustrated, she would rather do that than to go to sleep.  The girl loves attention.  But what 3-year old doesn't.  So if they do get out of bed then silently, and with no emotion  put them back to bed gently.  You can explain before bedtime-"this is a new rule.  No talking after we say good night.  So if you get out of bed, that is why mommy will not talk to you. "

The book also had 4 rules to put on her wall ( suggested for 3 year olds- and to decorate it to make it look really cool)

At bedtime we...

1. Stay in bed

2. Close our eyes

3. Stay very quiet

4. Go to sleep

(And if she follows the rules, then she gets to pick a treat- candy in a clear bowl above the fridge- the next morning)

She did amazing the first night!  She never got out and she gets a treat in the morning!  I am so proud of her!  I am so happy that we have a new way to help get her to  sleep.  I am not feeling powerless and admittedly embarrassed (to the neighbors ) if any saw her parading on her flower grate at 9pm last night. LOL. 

 I had a good book and a comfy chair parked right outside her door fully expecting to be putting her to back bed alot.  (Some parents had to do it 75 times- I remember those days when she first went to a bed- that was a crazy choice- looking back I realize you can potty train without them being in a big kid bed) Today we worked really hard to make sure she was well fed, got gotten lots of energy out, and then at 7pm we started the bedtime routine.  I have been waking her up at 7:30am so she can say good bye to Jason before he leaves for work, but she still didn't fall asleep until 9:30 pm (with bedtime starting at 7:30pm those nights)

I know things won't always work out this perfectly, but it sure gives me hope that Jason and I can have a little more relaxing time together!

Update:  These things only worked for a week or so.   I have stopped waking her up and let her sleep in.  I now put her to bed about 12 hours after she wakes in the morning (usually 7:30- 8:30am).  Instead of giving her a warning that if she gets out three times then we take something away- we take something away the first time she gets out of bed.  We have tried being on a different level of the house from her, when she is trying to fall asleep.  Not as easy than just walking out of her room to have mom and dad's attention.  The thing that helps her stay in bed alot of times, is saying do you want to earn back (a certain stuffed animal) monkey then you have to stay in bed for 5 minutes... Her staying in bed for any length of time is usually enough to get her to calm down and fall asleep.  And we have started putting a drop of lavender oil on her feet.